Is the Family an Idol?

Perhaps some have created an idol out of family, but I haven’t seen it.

Perhaps some have created an idol out of family, but I haven’t seen it.

God created us for family, both natural and spiritual. But the former does not wither away due to the latter. If anything, grace perfects nature. It does not destroy it. The gift of family remains a real good, a true good. You can love and cherish your family without guilt. You can and should value them. A father, for instance, has obligations to his household and to his work. That may mean most of his free time is spent with his family, especially when children are young. And that’s not idolatry. It’s obedience.

The Nuclear Family: Not Radical Enough?

I generally hear the “family idolatry” critique from two directions. First, some warn us against idolizing the nuclear family to the neglect of adoption or the family of God. Others argue more boldly that prioritizing family can actually hinder Christian mission. The logic goes: desiring family life too much might reflect a desire for ease rather than the radical commitment required by the Great Commission.

But Scripture paints a more ordinary picture. Paul tells the Thessalonians to “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands… so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one” (1 Thess. 4:11–12). He clearly didn’t expect every Christian to be an apostle or missionary. “Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers?” (1 Cor. 12:29).

To encourage someone to leave behind work and family without a genuine calling would be pastorally disastrous. Paul explicitly says, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). That’s not a radical missionary mandate—it’s a call to ordinary faithfulness.

Certainly, if God calls someone to missionary work, he will provide. But not all are called. And by “letting go and letting God” without such a call, a man may become worse than an unbeliever.

Paul’s point is clear: many Christians are called to regular lives of quiet faithfulness, working and providing for their families. That too is godly. That too is holy.

Singleness and the Hope of Marriage

The second critique often frames family as a natural good that is eclipsed by the spiritual family of God. Sometimes that leads to a gentle warning: don’t place too much hope in marriage, especially if you're single. Serve where you are.

And I get it. Discontentment can arise when hope in marriage becomes over-realized. But still, that desire is good. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). I wouldn’t discourage anyone from longing for marriage. Frankly, I might worry more if that desire weren’t there; unless, of course, God had gifted someone for singleness (Matt. 19; 1 Cor. 7). That calling too is good and right.

But let's not ignore broader cultural dynamics. Many today stay single longer. Social isolation post-COVID, the rising cost of living, and general instability make starting a family seem impossible. So, when we emphasize adoption by grace, we should remember these natural pressures too.

Unless we know otherwise, we are likely in the Genesis 2:18 situation: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” The same is true of the woman. After all, Paul writes that she “will be saved through childbearing” (1 Tim. 2:15). I won’t unpack that text here, but suffice it to say: an ordinary end of marriage includes procreation.

Idol Talk: Parenting Humiliates (In the Best Way)

Yes, our hearts are idol factories, as Calvin said. We can idolize sex by lust, money by greed, or power by passion. Can we idolize family? It is possible. Yet parenting is humbling. Pregnancy changes bodies. Fathers clean up poop, pee, and blood. Clothes are ruined. You’re embarrassed in public.

And every minute is worth it.

It’s hard to idolize something that exhausts you to the point of self-forgetfulness. Parenting turns your gaze outward. You don’t have time to worship your priorities. And that’s a good thing.

God’s love turns outward to creation and redemption. And so does ours, especially in parenthood. Family life reflects something about the divine: “I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named” (Eph. 3:14–15). It points to the Gospel (Eph. 5:32). It teaches us what it means to be adopted into God’s household.

The more we pursue natural goods like marriage and parenthood, the more we understand supernatural goods by grace. Nature is not the enemy of grace. Rather, grace perfects it. Grace brings to completion what nature begins (fully only in the resurrection).

Grace Perfects Nature

I’m increasingly convinced we must speak clearly here. I've seen the real-world damage of bad advice. If you’re single and long for marriage, you’re likely in a Genesis 2:18 situation. That’s the natural default. Yes, 1 Corinthians 7 shows us another mode of life, and that mode is holy and valid. It’s not either-or.

But let’s be honest about what’s natural. Genesis 1–3 establishes creational patterns for humanity: male and female, marriage, childbearing. This is divine law that is also apparent in natural law. And to reject nature is to reject something God has written into creation itself.

Let us not confuse the good of adoption with the eclipse of nature. Grace builds on nature. It does not erase it.