I think two common modes of family idolatry are IVF (and all the thinking that makes IVF seem plausible) and the sort of dominionist flavor of pro-natalism where children are essentially culture war weapons.
This is great, Wyatt. I think it's why the elders of the early church had to be faithful at home first to even be considered worthy of stewarding resources in the Church. Personally, I wouldn't submit to a pastor who doesn't take care of his home first, and I wouldn't take advice from a wife who doesn't respect her husband or prioritize her family.
I actually came back to this post today after seeing Scottie Scheffler - world #1 golfer 134 weeks and counting - speak about what matters to him this week as he heads into the British Open:
“This is not a fulfilling life. It’s fulfilling from the sense of accomplishment but it’s not fulfilling from a sense of the deepest places of your heart...I’m blessed to be able to come out here and play golf, but if my golf ever started affecting my home life or it ever affected the relationship I have with my wife or my son, that’s going to be the last day that I play out here for a living...This is not the be-all and end-all. This is not the most important thing in my life. That’s why I wrestle with, why is this so important to me? Because I’d much rather be a great father than I would be a great golfer. At the end of the day, that’s what’s more important to me.”
Scottie's Instagram bio explicitly states "Christ Follower | Pro Golfer" and I think he models that distinction so well, not by idolizing/prioritizing his platform as his part in the Great Commission and taking the license to neglect his family, but by just walking with Christ in this profession and demonstrating what the priorities of his mind, heart, and life really are. He has peace and hope that so few others have, and there's only One Way to get it!
I appreciated this post and largely agree with all of the good that parenting brings. But I do see how even one of God’s greatest blessings can cause us to stumble. It happens subtly, but I think it can happen when a parent expends all their time and energy making the family and the home look great at the expense of concerns for their spiritual wellbeing. When sports and extra curricular schedules are prioritized over all else. When mothers talk as if their souls were saved by their husband or children rather than our perfect savior. Perhaps it’s not idolatry in a scholarly sense? But I see those acts as elevating the family above God and putting all of our trust and hope and identity in the family.
I understand the pushback to the "family idolatry" discourse. (Aaron Renn has made great arguments about the disservice this does to urban singles.) But I can think of a number of examples.
The one I've experienced is the conservative glorification of having as many kids as possible and of family life being an unmitigated joy. This can lead to church cultures where finding parenting difficult receives little sympathy. Frequently, the nuclear family is expected to bear this weight, instead of recognizing the need for extended family. Or desiring to focus more on one's own social life or career are deemed unvirtuous. It can lead to church cultures where having 1-3 children is either frowned upon or you receive pressure to have 4+.
My wife and I have found more support in contexts where it is recognized that having children is a *cross*. These contexts often recognize the legitimacy of families getting lots of babysitting help, and of women working outside the home, rather than the wife being almost obligated to homeschool the whole brood.
For the roots of the problem and an unambiguous case of family idolatry, see the IBLP (Gothard organization) and similar groups that committed blatant family idolatry, from whose failure Christian conservatives need to learn. This is why I think our pronatalism needs to be markedly *postlapsarian.* Thanks for considering my counter-argument, Wyatt!
Thank you for writing this - I appreciate your handling of scripture and longings.
I think two common modes of family idolatry are IVF (and all the thinking that makes IVF seem plausible) and the sort of dominionist flavor of pro-natalism where children are essentially culture war weapons.
Yes and yes
This is great, Wyatt. I think it's why the elders of the early church had to be faithful at home first to even be considered worthy of stewarding resources in the Church. Personally, I wouldn't submit to a pastor who doesn't take care of his home first, and I wouldn't take advice from a wife who doesn't respect her husband or prioritize her family.
I actually came back to this post today after seeing Scottie Scheffler - world #1 golfer 134 weeks and counting - speak about what matters to him this week as he heads into the British Open:
“This is not a fulfilling life. It’s fulfilling from the sense of accomplishment but it’s not fulfilling from a sense of the deepest places of your heart...I’m blessed to be able to come out here and play golf, but if my golf ever started affecting my home life or it ever affected the relationship I have with my wife or my son, that’s going to be the last day that I play out here for a living...This is not the be-all and end-all. This is not the most important thing in my life. That’s why I wrestle with, why is this so important to me? Because I’d much rather be a great father than I would be a great golfer. At the end of the day, that’s what’s more important to me.”
Scottie's Instagram bio explicitly states "Christ Follower | Pro Golfer" and I think he models that distinction so well, not by idolizing/prioritizing his platform as his part in the Great Commission and taking the license to neglect his family, but by just walking with Christ in this profession and demonstrating what the priorities of his mind, heart, and life really are. He has peace and hope that so few others have, and there's only One Way to get it!
I appreciated this post and largely agree with all of the good that parenting brings. But I do see how even one of God’s greatest blessings can cause us to stumble. It happens subtly, but I think it can happen when a parent expends all their time and energy making the family and the home look great at the expense of concerns for their spiritual wellbeing. When sports and extra curricular schedules are prioritized over all else. When mothers talk as if their souls were saved by their husband or children rather than our perfect savior. Perhaps it’s not idolatry in a scholarly sense? But I see those acts as elevating the family above God and putting all of our trust and hope and identity in the family.
I understand the pushback to the "family idolatry" discourse. (Aaron Renn has made great arguments about the disservice this does to urban singles.) But I can think of a number of examples.
The one I've experienced is the conservative glorification of having as many kids as possible and of family life being an unmitigated joy. This can lead to church cultures where finding parenting difficult receives little sympathy. Frequently, the nuclear family is expected to bear this weight, instead of recognizing the need for extended family. Or desiring to focus more on one's own social life or career are deemed unvirtuous. It can lead to church cultures where having 1-3 children is either frowned upon or you receive pressure to have 4+.
My wife and I have found more support in contexts where it is recognized that having children is a *cross*. These contexts often recognize the legitimacy of families getting lots of babysitting help, and of women working outside the home, rather than the wife being almost obligated to homeschool the whole brood.
For the roots of the problem and an unambiguous case of family idolatry, see the IBLP (Gothard organization) and similar groups that committed blatant family idolatry, from whose failure Christian conservatives need to learn. This is why I think our pronatalism needs to be markedly *postlapsarian.* Thanks for considering my counter-argument, Wyatt!
https://open.substack.com/pub/joelcarini/p/having-kids-after-the-fall-toward?r=k9yk0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Appreciate your thought here. But I actually think I did make an idol of my family for a time. I wrote about it here
https://shespeakstruth.substack.com/p/how-not-to-cheat-your-kids
Yes, I do think it’s possible! I’ll read this later